Broken again

Sometimes I wonder...how do the teachers who have been doing this job for 20 or 30 years have any heart left? Every year seems to bring another student who takes a slice of that heart.

Yesterday it was D. I've been fighting all year to have him tested for special education services. The child can tell you the prime factorization of 84, but can hardly read or write, which is an enormous red flag for possible learning problems.

But...there are issues. Mom and Dad are divorced and NOT amicably. Older sister isn't even allowed to see Dad because he molested her, but the judge let the boys stay, saying they'd survive.

D was called down to the office yesterday. I didn't know why. He came back during recess. "Doooo you wanna know why I had to go down to the office?

"If you'd like to tell me."

"It was social services people. But for Mom's house this time."

"...oh..."

"It's all cause Doug was hitting my sister, like really hitting her, like he wouldn't stop."

"Who's Doug?"

"Doug is um...he's the...well...the one my mom likes."

He left then, in true ADD fashion - distracted by something else - while I sat there feeling kicked in the gut. How does this kid have a chance? Dad's an abuser, Mom seems to have a pattern of relationships with abusive men, relationships that obviously leave her kids confused since D has no idea what to even call the latest guy - is he a boyfriend, fiance, what? All I can do is cry out to Jesus for this child - that somewhere along the line, he'll see what normal looks like, he'll know he can make different and hopefully better choices than his parents did, he'll know that this lifestyle isn't all there is, that there's more, that there's hope.

I cry out - and then I ask him if there's anything I can do for him. A puzzled stare. "Nope, I'm fine," he says, and I realize he probably wouldn't know what fine was if it walked up and hugged him.

Another piece of my heart, gone.